Sorry it took so long but my plan to finish this chapter before exam hits backfired. = 3 = But after all that studying ,finally getting my report card back, and happy that I had received very decent marks, there’s one thing I want to say….OMG!!! I DIDN’T FAIL P.E!! I PASSED, YEAH~~!!!...Then I’ve spent the past two weeks playing and sleeping.. O_o; But anyways, Gomen minna!!! Now I can concentrate on this ficcy, enjoy! Yay~!!

Pairing: Gackt/ You, You/Masa, one more will be mentioned later on

Band: Gackt Job, one more later

If Only You Knew ( Chapter One)

“Tadaima!” You spoke while entering his apartment. He kicked the door closed, hearing a firm click from behind. He placed a few grocery bags on the floor and carried a couple over to the kitchen. He softly grunted as he placed them on top of the counter, feeling his hand starting to get numb from carrying too many things at once. He was about to turn around and head back to the front door when he saw Chachamaru carrying the rest of the grocery bags into the kitchen.

“Thanks Chacha, just placed them next to the other stuff over there,” You instructed, smiling at the other man gratefully.

“No problem, Chacha chirped, smiling as he placed the rest of the bags on the counter. You began to rummage through a random bag, taking out specific items and putting them in the drawer. “Never knew it was raining that hard,” Chacha commented while he helped You putting away the food. You paused for a moment and sighed. His clothes were soaked and the fabrics sticking against his skin was starting to feel uncomfortable. His short blonde hair was messy and damp. He could feel droplets of water trickling down from his hair down to his neck. Damn, he felt miserable.

“I don’t know what’s up with the weather. First it was all bright and sunny when I entered the grocery store, and then it was suddenly raining when I came back out,” You replied grimly and shoved a few bottles of water into the fridge. He would make a mental note to himself that even though the store was just a few blocks away from his apartment, he would still bring a spar umbrella with him. Or he could take the car, which was obviously better.

He was about to grab a bottle of orange juice when Chacha snatched it away and put it in the freezer himself. “Don’t worry, I can handle the rest. You should get yourself changed,” the guitarist spoke and grinned. Seeing You’s suspicious look, Chacha laughed and shook his head, “No, I won’t take anything and yes, I know where to put them,” he assured. He seemed to have convinced the other man because You smiled back and started to head out of the kitchen.

“Oh, while you’re at it, you should check out on Gackt too,” Chacha added, which made You halt to a stop and turn around to face him. “Is there something wrong with him?” he asked, but watch Chacha simply shrug in response. “He locked himself in his room right after you left, mentioning something about not disturbing him,” he replied before continuing his task in putting all the groceries away. ‘He’s probably fine,’ You thought to himself as he walked out of the kitchen, ‘Maybe he’s writing a new song…’

But he did not hear any sounds coming from Gackt’s room; the whole apartment was silent. If he was playing on the piano or the guitar, he can hear it from the living room. He would definitely check up on Gackt…once he grab himself a towel and change his clothing. He grimaced as he walked across the living room and headed towards the bathroom.

To his dismay, his plans were disrupted as he promptly tripped on a black cord, lying on the floor.

You yelped and waved his arms wildly, wanting to hold on to anything that would keep his balance but only managed to grab thin air. He crashed on the floor flat on his face and his body lay limply. He then heard footsteps running up towards him and instantly knew who the person was when he spoke up.

“You! Are you alrigh---OH MY GOD!” Ren shrieked. He skipped over You’s body and dashed up to the television while the violinist twitched in pain. You groaned and began to push himself up as the redhead was clinging onto the flat screen television. “M-my precious score! It’s gone! Gone!” Ren wailed and stared in disbelief at the words ‘Game Over’ plastered on the screen.

“Ren, you could’ve warned me,” You paused as he glared at the playstation 2 lying on the floor,”…and why is the tv set on ‘mute’?” Refusing to let go on the screen, Ren slowly turned his head to face him. He suddenly felt nervous at staring at the bassist’ face expression that mixed between being scared and gloomy. “..Gackt warned me if I make any noise while he’s sleeping, he’ll ban me from playing video games..,” Ren solemnly replied. You began to worry. Why is Gackt sleeping during the early evening when he usually sleeps for three to four hours early in the morning? Before You could worry any further, two hands grabbed both his shoulders as Ren began to shake him violently. “I’ve been sitting around for the past frickin’ two hours and did you know how close I was in beating Gackt’s score?” You wisely did not say anything to the angry redhead and only shook his head a little in reply. “One. Point. AWAY,” Ren emphasized his words by slamming You’s shoulder’s against the ground.

“But Ren-chan, it was just a game.”

Ren let out another wail, “You-kun only thinks it was just a game! You don’t care about me.” You felt relieved when the redhead finally let go of him and watched as Ren was now running frantically around the living room in circles. “My only chance of beating Gackt is gone! Gone, I tell you, go—“ Ren stopped his actions when he heard a door creaked open. Both turned their attention to Gackt, who was leaning against the door frame with one hand placed on the doorknob.

“Why is it so loud out here…,”Gackt muttered in frustration and rubbed his eyes. You thought he looked extremely stress, but still was presentable. His black shirt was a bit ruffled and wore a loose pair of jeans. However, his usual pale cheeks were slightly flushed. “Gackt, You-kun ruined my score and I was so close in beating you..,” Ren whined and clinged onto Gackt’s sleeve.. “But Ren-chan, you know that I’m unbeatable,” Gackt responded with a smirk. At that moment, Chacha came in the living room, smiled briefly at Gackt and dragged a gloomy Ren to the kitchen to leave the two alone. Gackt took a glimpse of You and then hurried into the bathroom.

After a few seconds, Gackt came out with a white towel and hand it over to You. He took it gratefully and began to dry his hair. “What happened to you?” Gackt asked but You simply pointed to the nearest window. The vocalist tilted his head and watched the rain pour heavily outside. “Mm? Guess I didn’t notice that when I’m sleeping,” he said and grinned sheepishly.

“I should be asking what happened to you,” You stated and slung the towel over his shoulder. “You don’t usually sleep this early in the evening and you’re stressed out than ever,” You paused and placed one hand against Gackt’s forehead. Gackt flinched at the touch and stared back at You, feeling his cheeks getting hot. “You’re burning up...,” You commented.

“No, I’m not,” Gackt snapped and immediately brushed off the taller man’s hand. “I-I was just feeling a bit tired, that’s all,” he stammered and stared at the floor, avoiding You’s steady gaze. You simply sighed and stood up. “I’m going to my bedroom and find you some medicine, whether you are burning up or not,” You replied. Gackt looked up and suspiciously stared at him. “You’re not going to give me that small brown bottle, are you?” he questioned.


“..You-kun, that stuff’s disgusting!”

“So? It’s the best way to get better.”

“But You-kun…”


Both of them blinked and focused their attention to Chacha. “We need a lift back home. Gackt, could you drive us?” Chacha asked. “Sure,” Gackt chirped and disappeared into his room to get his car keys. “Chacha, where’s Ren?” You asked warily, seeing no sign of the redhead. “Oh, Ren? He’s sitting at the front door,” Chacha paused to jerk his head once at the main hallway. “He’s mumbling something about some game.”

You only grinned as Gackt entered the living room again, holding his car keys in one hand. “Bye You. See you tomorrow at practice,” Chacha said cheerfully, waving at him before heading to the front door. Gackt followed suit as You called out, “When you get back, I’ll make sure you take that medicine.” Gackt spun around and stuck his tongue out playfully, then hurriedly followed the others out of his apartment.

When he heard a firm click coming from the front door, knowing that Gackt had locked it before leaving, he walked into his room. He opened one of his drawers and rummaged through his medicine box. He took out a small bottle and popped the lid open. ‘That’s odd, it’s empty,” You thought to himself, but shrugged as he swung the bottle over his shoulder to his bed. ‘That’s alright. I was smart enough to buy a extra one…What the?!’ He took out his spare bottle and popped the lid off only to be found empty. Frowning, he turned it upside down and shook it a little. Not a single drop.

Just then, the doorbell rang as he looked up curiously. He went over to his bed and swiftly picked up a bottle before throwing both of them to a nearby trash can. The door rang again and he jogged out of his room to the main hallway. ‘Maybe they left something...’ He didn’t bother looking at the peephole while he was unlocking the front door and swung it open. He stared in awe, realizing the person standing in front of him was not one of his band members or Gackt.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Gackt was a clever man.

He knew he wasn’t feeling well this afternoon and had a feeling that You would pester him in taking one if his awful medicines. So before he went to take a nap, he snuck into You’s room and rummaged through his stuff, making sure that whatever he’d touch was back in place. When he finally found his roommates’ medicine box hidden in one of his drawers, he snatched two bottles, anticipating that You would give him those, and dumped all the contents into the bathroom sink. Of course, he had put them back to the same place where he got them and went to his room before one of his band members become suspicious. After taking one of his medicine, which was probably not as strong as the one You has but at least knew that it was safe to take, he went to sleep.

Yep, Gackt was a clever man.

He stepped out of the elevator and smiled proudly while twirling his keys with one hand. However, his smile faltered when the door to his apartment was opened ajar. ‘Weird, I swear I locked it before I left…and You would always make sure the door’s locked and closed.’ He clutched his keys tightly in his fist and hesitantly walked closer. ‘Nobody would dare break into our apartment…or would they?’ he thought nervously. He slowly pushed the door open so that he wouldn’t make much noise. He walked inside cautiously and glanced around, relieved to see that nothing was tampered with or stolen at least.

“You…please help me..”

A voice, barely audible, almost made him jump. He heard something rustled coming from You’s bedroom and slowly walked over there. His heart beat started to throb painfully fast in his chest as he reached out for the doorknob. “..I need you..,” the same voice whispered inside and he swore he heard this voice before. He slowly twisted the doorknob all the way before gingerly pushing the door open. He gaped in horror and felt his heart skipped a beat.

Masa, the former member of Gackt Job, was sitting next to You, kissing him.

A sound of keys clattering on the floor startled all three of them. Masa looked at Gackt and gasped while You’s expression closely matched with his’. The two of them immediately separated themselves apart and You seemed to be the first one to find back his voice. “..G-Gackt,” You stammered but was starring at the ground, avoiding his gaze. Gackt couldn’t utter and sound and bent down to pick up his keys. Before You could approach him, he hastily broke into a run.

He ran out of the apartment and jabbed continuously on the elevator button. “Gackt! Wait!” You, still in the apartment, called out and ran out of the apartment as well. Frustrated that the elevator was taking too long, he immediately headed to the stairway. Slamming the door open, he dashed down the stairs, passing down floor by floor. Their apartment was just the eighth floor, he could still make it in time to the parking lot. “Gackt!” You’s voice wavered somehere above but he continued to run down the stairs, sometimes jumping over a few.

When he finally reached to the bottom floor, he ran over to where his car was and unlocked it. He hastily swung the driver door open and closed it when he was settled in. He then shoved the keys in the ignition slot and twisted them to start the car. He had to get out of this place and fast. Not bothering to check if his doors were locked, he hit the gas pedal and began to drove the car out of the parking lot. He could see You exiting the staircase from his rear mirror but his figure disappeared when the car left the parking lot.

Gackt slowly let out a breath, relieved he was driving away from the apartment building. Driving around the city always helped him clear his mind or let him think in peace. He turned right to one of the streets and started off in a steady pace. He felt foolish just running away from them. Besides, You was never his lover to begin with, only a roommate.

‘But, it hurts so much…’ Tears were starting to form but he blinked them away, not wanting to cry even though he was alone. He was unconsciously speeding up as the rain heavily beat against the windows. He kept on driving forward and was unaware where he was. After a while, his vision began to blur and he gripped tightly on the driving wheel. He brushed one hand against his forehead, feeling that he was burning up again. He cursed slightly, regretting that he poured all the medicine in the sink that You would’ve given him.

When his vision began to clear, he stared in horror at the person standing in the middle of the street. He hastily turned the wheel stiffly as the car skid to make a u-turn. Probably missing the person by few inches, he slammed on the brakes as the car halt to a stop. Both his head and heart throbbed wildly and leaned against the driver seat, breathing heavily. A knock from the driver’s window sounded distantly faint even though it was just next to him. As he hesitantly reached out to pull the door open so he could confront the person, his vision blurred and turned black.