If Only You Knew (Chapter 2)

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gackt/You, Gackt/Masa, Gackt/?
Band: GacktJOB/ ?
Comment: The last pairing is actually mentioned in this fic, but I don’t want to spoil it by giving it away right in the beginning. You’ll have to read and find out, hehe~! ^_^ Enjoy.

/character thinking/

“Character talking”

Destination Truth: Thank you! Don’t worry about Gaku cause I’ll make sure he’ll be taken care of by someone else for now. ^^;

Mel (scorpio4rmhades): Thank you! Sorry the first chapter took long, but I hope this one didn’t too long. ~_~; I’m planning out chapter 3 already and I’ll get that up soon.

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Gackt slowly woke up and found himself lying on a comfortable bed. One of his hands unconsciously tugged the soft bed sheets underneath and stared dazedly at its colour. /White…this isn’t my room…/ The room was dark and the lights were turned off, making it hard for him to figure out where he was. He groaned and tried to push himself up into a sitting position, only to sink back against the mattress when someone gently pushed him down.

“Don’t, you should be resting.”

He immediately jerked away from the touch, taken by surprise that someone else was in the room besides him. Although the voice sounded familiar, he couldn’t register in his mind who the person was. Gackt began to panic and shifted on one side of the bed away from the stranger, regardless how weak he felt. However, an arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him back to his previous position as he was about to open his mouth to weakly protest. “I’m sorry. Did I started you?” the stranger apologized. Gackt tilted his head up,staring at the shadowed figure looming above and saw familiar strands of blonde hair.

He blinked, knowing only one person well who had short blonde hair at the moment. “..You-kun?” he breathed out and slowly relaxed. He cursed silently, wishing the lights were on so he could see the other’s face much clearly. Gackt heard a sigh and watched confusedly as ‘You’ shook his head. A hand was placed on his forehead and Gackt closed his eyes, too tired to even give eye contact. The other man released him and walked away for a moment, distantly hearing the door clicked shut.

He burrowed his face into the pillow. Memories of driving away from his apartment with a broken heart and events that took place afterwards seeped into his head. Did You really did find him in the end and brought him back home? A voice from the back of his head kept denying that, reasoning with him that it wouldn’t make sense. But, if You didn’t bring him here, who would?

A sound of the door breaking open interrupted his musings and opened his eyes tiredly to watch the shadowy figure approaching him. He felt something cold pressed against his lips and a hand gently stroking his hair. “Drink this. It’ll make you feel better,” ‘You’ advised. Gackt obliged and parted his lips as the content was slowly tipped upward. The fluid tasted like bitter cherry, strong but bearable than the previous medicines You used to give him. He thought about taking another glance at the other’s face, but gave up, knowing that he should get well first and save his worries later. When he finished drinking, Gackt grabbed the other man’s arm weakly before he could leave. “…Arigatou...,”Gackt whispered and loosened his grip while he fell into deep slumber.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“You haven’t seen him?”

“Iie, gomen ne, You-kun. He didn’t came over to either Chacha’s apartment, or mines. Did you talk with Ryu-san?”

“Ah. He said something similar…”

“Sou ka…does that mean we have to cancel practice again?”


“…..gomen ne---“

“Iya, I was thinking about something. Could you notify the others that we’ll cancel practice for tomorrow?”

“ Sure. We’ll phone you when we see him. Gackt will come around.”

“…Thank you Ren, take care.”

“Take care too.”

You hung up the phone and glanced at the clock hung up on the wall. It was past midnight and he sighed, knowing well that Gackt had been missing for already a day. He walked into his bedroom and slumped into his bed, thinking of places where he possibly haven’t search yet. But his mind kept on wandering back to memories of what happened on the previous night…

The doorbell rang as You looked up curiously. He went over to his bed and swiftly picked up a bottle before throwing both of them to a nearby trash can. The door rang again and he jogged out of his room to the main hallway. ‘Maybe they left something...’ He didn’t bother looking at the peephole while he was unlocking the front door and swung it open. He stared in awe, realizing the person standing in front of him was not one of his band members or Gackt.


“Ah, it’s been a while, You, hasn’t it?” Masa greeted and smiled briefly. His smile, however, faltered as he paused for a moment and simply stared at You, making him feel uneasy. “..What happened to you? You’re soaked,” Masa finally questioned, raising an eyebrow. You silently compared with his soaked self and Masa’s presentable and dry state, laughing softly to himself. “I don’t feel like talking about it. Come in,” You replied and pushed the door wider. Masa stepped inside and glanced around, placing his umbrella beside the door.

“Help yourself with anything, there’s drinks in the fridge. I’m going to get change,” You added and brushed past Masa, unaware that he forgot to shut the door properly and headed towards his room. “Sure…Ano, Where’s Gackt?” Masa asked as he sat down on a sofa. “He just left to drive Ren and Chacha, right before you came here,” You answered, hearing the other softly murmured ‘Sou ka…’ before closing his bedroom door.

He hastily stripped out of his garments and took out a black shirt and a pair of jeans from his wardrobe. He dressed himself, took out his keys from his soaked jeans, and threw the damp clothes onto the bathroom floor, giving a mental note to do the laundry later. When he walked back out of the living room, Masa was still sitting at the exact same spot, his eyes stared distantly at the tall window in front. The violinist smiled and walked over to the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of beer from the fridge. As he entered the living room, he approached the other from behind and waved one bottle in front of Masa’s face. Masa blinked and nodded once, taking the drink and twisted the lid open.

“You haven’t changed much,” Masa commented and watched You sitting on a sofa opposite from his. “Same with you. You’re still pondering about your own thoughts,” You spoke and paused, mimicking the same action that Masa did with his bottle and took a sip. “So what brings you here?” the violinist asked, earning a grin from the other. “Our band dropped by here for a visit, so I decided to see how things were going with you and the others,” Masa answered and took a few sips from his beer. “Toshi was planning to come with me, but he couldn’t come because he had to run a few important errands,” he added.

Both of them exchanged news about the previous and upcoming events about their band for a while. Half an hour passed and You wrapped up the latest events of GacktJOB. “…then we just finished the ‘Jougen no Tsuki Tour’ a few weeks ago and we’re given Gackt some time to think what to do next,” You finished and gingerly placed the empty beer on the glass table in front. “I heard the tour was a success. I’m sure Gackt will come up with something interesting to do in the band, “Masa beamed, who was idly playing with his empty beer.

You smiled and shook his head, “I’m sure he will too, but everytime he does something, he’ll stress everyone out, especially himself. Sometimes, I would worry about his health…”You responded and glanced at the clock. “…and he should be heading home by now,” he added and averted his gaze back at Masa. He saw some expression crossed Masa’s face, maybe fear, and watched silently as the other placed his empty beer next to his. “Then I should be going...it was nice seeing you again, though I would like to see the others next time around,” Masa spoke and stood up abruptly.

He was about to say a brief goodbye when You asked, “You didn’t just come here…to talk about our band…right?” Masa lowered his head and stared at the floor, not wanting to look straight at You. “..If something’s bothering you, it’s alright to tell...,” You replied and stood up as well, “ Masa—“

“I…I just want to see Gackt one more time,” Masa finally confessed, looking up at You before he continued, “I want to see how he was doing before I head back to New York.”

You felt a pain of guilt, knowing well that Gackt and Masa used to be…lovers. He didn’t like it in the beginning, though he never mentioned it to neither of them; something he kept as a secret. But both of them had an unsteady relationship. Sometimes they would be affectionate for a while, and then would quarrel in the next. He would always end up as the middle person, consulting privately with one of them, usually Masa, that it’ll turn out fine in the end. Eventually, they broke up, not because they can’t stand it anymore, but Gackt said he didn’t like having a close relationship with band members, scared that it might ruin the band. Maybe this is one of the reasons Masa wanted to leave GacktJOB. Not only had he wanted to start his own solo works, but also to get away from Gackt, or from the past. Yet, You was sure that Gackt’s reason was a lie, hiding the real reason why he broke up with Masa, even from him.

“I know I shouldn’t of come here,” Masa’s voice interrupted his thoughts as he paid back attention while Masa continued, “…but I find it difficult to forget the person you use to love.” You bit his lower lip, knowing that Masa was beginning to sound desperate. He was used to these situations. But this time, all he wanted was to solve his own, not others for Masa was right.

It is difficult to forget the person he loves.

“No, Masa, it’s fine that you came. It’s not a problem if you wanted to see or talk to him,” You assured, feeling something throbbing in his head. Damn, he was having a headache and he felt like taking medicine. He headed over to his bedroom and didn’t notice that Masa followed behind him. “No, it is a problem. There will be times when I would think back and it’s painful when you can’t meet the person you want to see. I wish I could just forget,” Masa spoke and sighed in defeat, sitting down at the edge of You’s bed.

Deciding that it would be best to comfort his friend first and fetch the medicine later, You sat down and hugged Masa. “I’m so screwed up…” Masa whispered and wrapped his arms around You, trying his best not to cry. You didn’t know what to say, too lost in his own thoughts and his situation that was very similar to Masas’. “Help me, You,” Masa pleaded as he pulled slightly away to look at You’s face. You began to hesitate when the smaller man’s face was just a few inches away from his. “…I need you…,” he whispered and pressed his soft lips against his.

You suppressed a shudder and his eyes widen in shock. He felt confused and thought that Masa had affections for Gackt, not him. However, he let himself relaxed and kissed back, not wanting to think anymore. Masa only wanted to seek comfort, and he’ll give it if this will make him feel better…even if it felt so wrong.

Their kiss was interrupted when they heard the sound of keys clattering on the floor. Both of them jerked away from each other and turned to face an astonished Gackt standing at the doorway. You felt that his heart had stopped and could only stare back at Gackt, horrified. “G-Gackt…” You stuttered, amazed that he didn’t lose his voice. He just remembered that he forgot to shut the front door properly and mentally cursed at his careless. He didn’t have a chance to explain when Gackt hastily turned around and ran out of the apartment.

“Gackt! Wait!” You shouted and shoved Masa away, quickly getting up to his feet and tried to catch up with the other man. As he ran out of the apartment, he saw the door to the stairway was about to shut by itself. Given the hint that Gackt took the staircase instead of the elevator, he slammed the stairway door open and ran down the stairs. “Gackt! Please listen, Gackt!” You shouted and tried to run faster. However, he started to lose his balance and slipped on one of the steps. Instantly, he held onto the railing so he won’t collapsed and roll down the stairs, wincing as felt something twisted at his left ankle. He then continued to run down the stairway, trying his best to ignore the face that he just twisted his ankle.

When he finally reached to the bottom floor, he swung the door open and caught glimpse of a familiar car driving out of the parking out. He silently cursed and bent down to touch his ankle, panting to catch his breath. He stayed in that position for a while until he heard the door being swung open again, turning around to see Masa. “You alright?” Masa asked and was about to bent down to examine his ankle when You shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m going to try and catch up to Gackt. Just stay at my apartment and keep guard, okay?” You asked, glad that he had his car keys with him. “Alright, but phone me when you need help,” Masa responded. You didn’t bother saying anything else as he bolted towards where his car parked and hastily got in. After turning the engine on, he hit the gas pedal and drove out of the parking lot in search of Gackt.

But in the end, he couldn’t find him.

You stared dazedly at the ceiling before getting up from his bed and reaching out from his car keys. He walked out of his bedroom and glanced at the clock again. Sighing, he headed towards the front door, putting his shoes on and giving another try to just drive around the city. Maybe he would find him tonight. He placed his hand on the doorknob and leaned forward to rest his forehead against the door, thinking of places where he should go….

/ Gackt, where are you? /

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Gackt woke up again in the middle of the night. He was glad the lamp sitting on a nearby desk was turned on, which helped him see things clearer. After lying on the bed idly for a while, he pushed himself up and was happy that he finally had the strength the do so. He was sitting on an unfamiliar bed and nothing he saw in the room seemed to look familiar. He paled at the sight, knowing well that You didn’t bring him here; he was in another person’s house.

He heard the sound of the doorknob being twisted open and averted his gaze at the door. He nervously clutched at the bed sheets, about to find out who brought him here. The door swung open and the stranger walked in as he looked at Gackt with an unreadable expression. Gackt gawked for the stranger was a person he least expected to see. “You’re finally awake?” The other man asked as he closed the bedroom door. Gackt took a deep breath before answering back.

“..Ah, hai….Yoshiki-san.”